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coupleconnect for couples |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Characteristics of a Joyful, Life-Enhancing Relationship” Welcome to the new FREE coupleconnect newsletter for those who want to enhance and enrich their relationships. The author, Debra Munn, is a writer on relationship issues and the creator of coupleconnect, a deck of 55 cards with questions to inspire better, more meaningful communication between partners. In 1995, Debra, a native Texan, moved to the UK following the end of her 16-year marriage. In 1996 she met her partner, Mick Henry, and in 1999 they were married. The newsletter is intended to offer tips, support, encouragement, and things to think about as couples experience what can be life’s most rewarding adventure—their relationship with each other! Please contact Debra with your comments, questions, or suggestions at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHARACTERISTICS OF A JOYFUL, LIFE-ENHANCING RELATIONSHIP Please copy and distribute the coupleconnect newsletter to all your friends and colleagues interested in enhancing their relationships! Just make sure that you make no changes, additions, or deletions, including the contact information. In the last newsletter I mentioned that to bring about real improvement in your relationship, as in any other part of life, you must start not with the other person but with yourself. I suggested that an excellent first step would be to re-vision the kind of relationship you would ideally like to have, so that you can then begin to manifest it naturally into your life. What then, to you, are the essential characteristics of a joyful, transforming relationship? What distinguishes this kind of life-enhancing partnership from a less satisfactory one? My own brainstorming session gave me the following ideas, based upon the core premise that every happy, successful relationship is comprised of two equal partners who love, respect, and accept both themselves and each other for the unique, precious beings that they are. This insistence upon equality between partners goes far beyond a simple rejection of shallow, limiting definitions of masculinity or femininity, or what may or may not be considered “appropriate” behavior for one gender or the other. What I’m referring to here is the fact that every relationship is made up of two separate and often very different people, each with his or her own identity, background, beliefs, desires, and capabilities. Both are equally valuable as human beings and as participants in the relationship, and each deserves from the other the respect, honor, dignity, and consideration that is due to all human beings. In fact, I believe that joyful, life-enhancing relationships are possible only between two partners who accept as a given this essential equality of all people. No less a body than the United Nations shares this view, proclaiming in the early 1990s during the International Year of the Family that men and women have “the same rights and responsibilities during marriage and at its dissolution,” and that “A stable family is one which is based on principles of equity, justice and individual fulfillment for each member.” When two partners have such an understanding, both have equal power in the relationship—neither dominates or controls the other, or tries to do so. Neither even wants to dominate the other, for each feels secure, happy, and powerful individually, as well as within the context of the relationship. Both partners are equally responsible for maintaining and enhancing the relationship, and they use whatever complementary traits they have to help and support each other. Inherent in this kind of relationship is the right of both partners to be fully themselves—to become the best, most fulfilled human beings they can be. This confidence to pursue excellence arises from the fact that each partner has healthy self-esteem and encourages the same trait in the other. Each rejoices in the success of the other and never feels threatened by it. The two partners genuinely like and respect each other, even when they disagree. They enjoy spending time separately as well as together, and they help each other to grow in all directions. Central to this kind of joyful, transforming relationship is honest, effective communication. Both partners know and respect themselves and their own needs enough to ask for what they want from the other and from the relationship. Both also know how to listen and actually hear what the deepest needs and desires of the other are. Both partners are willing and able to work to make their relationship a transforming, life-affirming experience. As I said in the last newsletter, there are no perfect human beings and therefore, no perfect relationships. But by continuing to focus upon the qualities that characterize the happiest, most enriching relationships, you will begin to attract those traits naturally into your own life, so that you, as well as your partner, will benefit.
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Debra Munn |
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Copyright 2005 coupleconnect
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