coupleconnect for singles
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coupleconnect for singles |
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about the author
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“Do You Know What You Really Want in a Partner?” Welcome to the new FREE coupleconnect newsletter for singles who are looking for that special life partner. The author, Debra Munn, is a writer on relationship issues and the creator of coupleconnect, a deck of 55 cards with questions to inspire better, more meaningful communication between partners. In 1995, Debra, a native Texan, moved to the UK following the end of her 16-year marriage. In 1996 she met her partner, Mick Henry, and in 1999 they were married. The newsletter is intended to offer support and encouragement to singles, as well as tips on how to find the right partner. Please contact Debra with your comments, questions, or suggestions at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IN A PARTNER? You are welcome and encouraged to copy or distribute the coupleconnect newsletter to friends and colleagues, as long as you make no changes, additions, or deletions, including the contact information. The choice of a lifetime partner probably has profounder, more far-reaching consequences than any other decision we make, affecting as it does virtually every aspect of our lives and determining our future happiness like nothing else. Yet when I’ve asked singles to describe their ideal partner, the sort of person they’d most like to journey through life with, as often as not I’ve received a blank look. “Hmmm, I’ve never really thought about it,” they’ll mumble. Or they might joke about not being all that picky, as long as their prospective partner is as rich as Bill Gates and as gorgeous as Catherine Zeta Jones or Brad Pitt. All joking aside, however, many people seem to put more serious consideration into the kind of car they’d like to drive than the type of mate they’d like to have! Is it any wonder, then, that we have such a high failure rate in relationships, when we don’t make the effort to figure out what we really want and need, and what we in turn have to offer someone else? At least when we’re looking for a car to buy, most of us take the time to shop around, considering carefully what will best suit our needs and make us happiest in the long run. Too often when we’re looking for a potential life companion, however, we’re not even clear in our own minds and hearts about what qualities we should look for, or what motivates our attraction to another person in the first place. We might, for example, rely primarily upon whether we feel strong sexual “chemistry” with someone, overlooking other, equally important considerations. In those first few days, weeks, or even months of “lust blindness,” there’s a danger of jumping prematurely into a relationship with someone who appeals to us physically, but who might be all wrong for us emotionally. Why do we do this? Certainly loneliness coupled with strong sexual urges might compel us to settle for the wrong person, but perhaps an even stronger motivation is the fear that we may never again find anyone to feel so passionate about. And — an even scarier thought — what if no one ever feels that way again about us? What if this really is our last chance at love? Fortunately, these fears are totally unfounded (even though that doesn’t make them feel any less threatening). When we’re in the throes of lust blindness (and who hasn’t been?), we forget that as sexual creatures, we’re all “programmed” to be attracted (and attractive!) to literally hundreds, probably thousands of people, all over the planet. Many of these would make excellent partners for us, but many others would not. So one of our most important jobs as singles is to get to know ourselves well enough so that we’re clear about the traits we most desire in a mate — the qualities we insist upon having — as well as those that we absolutely will not tolerate, no matter how attractive the person may be to us in other ways. That way, we can recognize and avoid those who are “bad news” for us, and focus instead upon those who not only appeal to us physically, but who are better able to satisfy our emotional needs as well. Searching for the right partner requires scrupulous honesty, maturity, and self-knowledge on the seeker’s part. It isn’t an easy process, but it can be a time of real emotional and psychological growth as we learn to understand and love ourselves better, to ask what went right and what went wrong in past relationships, and ultimately to grow and develop into the kind of person who will naturally attract the right kind of partner.
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Debra Munn |
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Copyright 2005 coupleconnect
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