coupleconnect for singles
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coupleconnect for singles |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Take the Plunge with Personal Ads & Dating Agencies” Welcome to the new FREE coupleconnect newsletter for singles who are looking for that special life partner. The author, Debra Munn, is a writer on relationship issues and the creator of coupleconnect, a deck of 55 cards with questions to inspire better, more meaningful communication between partners. Visit http://www.coupleconnect.com In 1995, Debra, a native Texan, moved to the UK following the end of her 16-year marriage. In 1996 she met her partner, Mick Henry, and in 1999 they were married. The newsletter offers support and encouragement to singles, as well as tips on how to find the right partner. Please contact Debra with your comments, questions, or suggestions at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PLEASE LET ME HEAR FROM YOU The aim of this newsletter is to encourage and provide useful tips for singles as they attempt to find their potential life partners. In addition to using my own articles, I will include pieces from guest columnists from time to time, and I also want to hear from YOU, the readers, so we can all get to know each other better. Is there a special subject you’d like to discuss? A special point of view you’d like to express? What about a pet peeve or concern you’d like to air about dating or the single life? Please share it with all of us at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you enjoy this coupleconnect newsletter, I would be delighted for you to copy and send it on to all your friends, family members, and colleagues who are interested in finding their life partners—that’s the way we grow and expand. Just make sure to make no changes, additions, or deletions, including the contact information. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TAKE THE PLUNGE WITH PERSONAL ADS & DATING AGENCIES If whatever you’re doing to meet that potential love of your life isn’t working, why not try something new? Consider joining dating (or introduction) agencies or checking out personal ads—you can write your own or simply respond to any likely ones you find. As I explained in the last newsletter, I found my husband Mick when I answered his personal ad in the UK’s “Dateline,” a magazine for singles. Good thing I didn’t listen to the cynics who told me that such techniques were only for sad, desperate misfits who couldn’t get dates any other way! You know the kind of thing—that in order to “resort” to dating agencies or personal ads, you must be either (1) pathologically ugly, (2) sexually perverted, and/or (3) completely lacking in social skills—in other words, a total screw up as a human being. (Hmmm—do you suppose it was significant that I seemed to hear these criticisms most often from those who were themselves perpetually dateless and single?) Fortunately, I’ve never been the sort of person who refused to do something for fear of what others might think—in fact, my contrary streak (blame it on the fact that I’m a Leo!) sometimes inclines me to go against the norm just for fun. Besides, the cynics couldn’t have been more wrong in this case. Okay, so there was that one guy who made cryptic notes on a napkin about my height and hair color when I ran off to use the loo, the French physician in his 50s who wondered in the opening paragraph of his letter whether I was still able to provide him with an heir, and the other guy whose dislike of women was so transparent that I almost threw a bread roll at him over our lasagna. But the overwhelming majority of the people I met through the dating agency and personal ads weren’t weird or unattractive in any way—in fact, far from being losers who couldn’t get dates, they were often a lot choosier than average in the matter of their love lives, and all the “normal” ways of meeting people (through work, friends, or the daily routine) just weren’t supplying them with enough possibilities. And (except perhaps for the French doctor) neither were they “desperate”—on the contrary, the decision to use agencies or personal ads shows that someone is brave, bold, and full of initiative. After all, taking these steps means that you’re actually DOING something about finding a partner, rather than just moaning about it like the detractors, who don’t have the courage to admit that their more traditional techniques aren’t getting them anywhere. And once you join an agency or start taking out personal ads, it’s likely that you will meet so many new people that you won’t have time for those detractors, anyway. Because the big advantage of both these methods is that they allow you to come in contact with a significantly larger proportion of other singles than you could ever hope to encounter through normal, everyday life. After I took the plunge, I was going out with new men on an average of two or three times a week, and I talked with a number of others on the phone without ever actually meeting them. And most of the men I met who had gone to the trouble of joining agencies or paying for personal ads seemed just as committed to their goal of finding a long-term partner as I was. For me, the personal ads ended up being much more effective than the dating agency. The advantage to the agency I joined was that it was one of the largest in the country, so that theoretically there were lots of people to choose from. But the disadvantage was that it used somewhat superficial and arbitrary questions to pigeonhole its clients into categories (Are you liberal or conservative? Do you prefer rock music or jazz?)—assuming, for example, that if two people answered a series of questions in a similar way that they might make a good match. The result was that I met a lot of men who basically shared my political and religious beliefs and who had the same taste in movies and music as I did, but with whom I shared very little of that mysterious element called “chemistry”. I realize that chemistry is the hardest thing to actively search for or even to define, but knowing what I do now, I would probably join an agency that sets out to attract specifically those types of clients whom I might consider to be kindred spirits. Here in the UK, for example, there are now agencies for various specialized groups, such as vegetarians, those interested in alternative lifestyles, and young business professionals, just to name a few. And I recently read an article about the proliferation of dating agencies in the US geared to those of various religious beliefs. But I think the main reason the personal ads worked better for me was that they enable partners to “target” each other in a truly individualistic way. It may sound crass to compare the search for a lifetime partner with the techniques used by corporations to snare customers, but the best personal ads are really no more than excellent examples of marketing done for a higher purpose. The best ads do two things: they give readers a very personal glimpse into the heart, soul, and personality of the writer, allowing us to see what makes him or her “tick”; and they also draw just as clear a picture of the ideal kind of partner that the writer is searching for. With a little practice, ad readers can learn to hone in on the kind of potential partners they’re looking for, and to write ads that will attract other likeminded people to them, too. The singles market is booming today like never before, so a simple search on the Internet or a browse through newspapers, magazines, and telephone directories will put you in contact with a number of introduction agencies or places to run personal ads. You might want to experiment with both ways of finding partners to see which one works best for you, checking out each venue carefully beforehand to make sure that it fits in with your aims, personality, and pocketbook. But go ahead and give them a try—you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain! (In next month’s column, I’ll provide tips on how to write the perfect personal advertisement to attract the right partner for you!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Debra Munn |
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Copyright 2005 coupleconnect
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