coupleconnect for singles
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coupleconnect for singles |
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“Visualizing Your Ideal Partner” Welcome to the new FREE coupleconnect newsletter for singles who are looking for that special life partner. The author, Debra Munn, is a writer on relationship issues and the creator of coupleconnect, a deck of 55 cards with questions to inspire better, more meaningful communication between partners. In 1995, Debra, a native Texan, moved to the UK following the end of her 16-year marriage. In 1996 she met her partner, Mick Henry, and in 1999 they were married. The newsletter is intended to offer support and encouragement to singles, as well as tips on how to find the right partner. Please contact Debra with your comments, questions, or suggestions at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ VISUALIZING YOUR IDEAL PARTNER Please copy and distribute the coupleconnect newsletter to all your single friends and colleagues who are interested in finding a partner! Just make sure that you make no changes, additions, or deletions, including the contact information. Previously I wrote about the importance of knowing exactly what qualities you would most like to find in a prospective partner. Here we’re not talking only about superficial traits such as good looks or a hefty bank balance, attractive as they may be, but about the entire catalogue of characteristics that distinguish one person from another, those qualities that make us uniquely ourselves. Without having a kind of “blueprint” for the character and traits of the mate you’re hoping to find, a kind of emotional compass to keep you on course and steering safely through the stormy waters of the dating scene, you run the risk of settling for someone with whom you may experience a temporary “chemistry” but who is all wrong for you emotionally. So instead of wasting time and risking heartbreak on those who ultimately turn out to be unsuitable, think carefully about what qualities you would most like to find in a life partner. Visualizing your ideal mate doesn’t imply that you’re looking for perfection — you certainly won’t find it, and, anyway, don’t you have a few flaws, too? But by realistically assessing what matters most to you — what traits in a partner you consider essential (such as honesty, gentleness and intelligence), as well as those that you absolutely won’t tolerate (drug abuse, emotional immaturity, and bigotry, for example) — you’re more likely to attract the right sort of person in the first place, and actually be able to recognize your “soulmate” when you encounter him or her. So go ahead and daydream constructively about the man or woman with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life. Take as much time as you need, preferably over several days or weeks, imagining in every detail, large and small, just the sort of person who would constitute your ideal partner. For starters, what does he look like? What personality traits does she possess? What hobbies or interests? What beliefs or life philosophies? How do these correspond with your own traits, beliefs, and philosophies? How are the two of you alike? How different? What sort of career might your ideal partner have? How does he or she feel about children? How does your partner treat you? Is he or she physically affectionate, committed, faithful, able to talk about feelings openly? Is your partner committed to his or her own personal growth? What is his or her attitude toward such things as money, health and fitness issues, grooming, or personal hygiene? What kind of fashion sense does this person have? Where does he or she like to spend holidays? How does your ideal partner feel about sharing housework? What is his or her sexual style, and how often does he or she want to make love? Does your partner smoke, drink, or use drugs? What interests, hobbies, or leisure pursuits would you hope to share? Whatever occurs to you, write it down to impress it more firmly in your mind. You may find it helpful to make lists in various categories about the kind of person you want, and to read over them frequently, making changes and additions whenever you think of something new. Be sure to include qualities or traits missing in previous partners that caused trouble for you in past relationships. Visualizing your ideal partner should be an enjoyable process, but at the same time it demands scrupulous honesty and a great degree of self-knowledge, as you realistically assess also the qualities that you have to offer someone else. You might even discover that the list-making process spurs you on to make changes in your own life — how can you hope to find someone who knows how to control his or her temper when you can’t do the same, for example? Remember that whatever you focus on expands, so when you spend creative energy visualizing your ideal mate, you are actually helping to draw him or her toward you, just as you are enhancing your own qualities as a potential partner at the same time. Does this idea sound impossibly idealistic and overly optimistic? I can only assure you that it worked for me — a few months after I drew up the list of qualities I wanted my ideal partner to have, I met Mick, the man who is now my husband. And in practically every way, and certainly in all the major areas, his characteristics match or exceed those of the ideal mate that appeared on my list. So give the visualization process a try for yourself — then watch what happens!
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Debra Munn |
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Copyright 2005 coupleconnect
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