coupleconnect for singles
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coupleconnect for singles |
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about the author
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“Smart Singles Do It With Their Eyes Open” Welcome to the new FREE coupleconnect newsletter for singles who are looking for that special life partner. The author, Debra Munn, is a writer on relationship issues and the creator of coupleconnect, a deck of 55 cards with questions to inspire better, more meaningful communication between partners. In 1995, Debra, a native Texan, moved to the UK following the end of her 16-year marriage. In 1996 she met her partner, Mick Henry, and in 1999 they were married. The newsletter is intended to offer support and encouragement to singles, as well as tips on how to find the right partner. Please contact Debra with your comments, questions, or suggestions at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHANGE IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL This month you’ll see some changes — for starters, I’ve decided to include guest columnists from time to time. This month we have a special treat from singles coach Ariana Gorrill, who explains the real reasons for the relationship choices we make. I also want to get to know you, the readers, better, and to help you get to know each other better, too. So please write to me. Is there a special subject you’d like to discuss? A special point of view you’d like to express? What about a pet peeve or concern you’d like to air about dating or the singles life? Please share it with all of us by e-mailing me at Debra@coupleconnect.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SMART SINGLES DO IT WITH THEIR EYES OPEN Please copy and distribute the coupleconnect newsletter to all your single friends and colleagues who are interested in finding a partner! Just make sure that you make no changes, additions, or deletions, including the contact information. I’ve got news for you. Love IS blind. Now that might not be something you want to hear. After all, you’ve been in love. You know what it feels like. Heart pounding. Breathless. Sleepless. Unable to eat. If the world has to come to an end, please God, at least make sure we die together. Nobody else in the whole world has ever felt the way you do. Consumed by lust and passion, you can’t leave each other alone. Everything your partner does is so witty, so interesting, so like no one else you have ever known in your entire life. This is truly the real thing (forget Coca-Cola!). It feels like you’ve known each other since time immemorial. You were just meant to be together, for ever and ever. So why is it that so often, the dream does die? Why is it that so many relationships end up in failure? You knew what love was. You had it. So what went wrong? Why do we get it so wrong? How can you ever trust yourself to love again? If I told you that love/chemistry is nothing more than our unconscious (hidden from self) attraction to someone whom we feel will meet our particular emotional needs, would you believe me? Would you want to believe me? That in order to feel whole, to feel fully alive and connected and to heal the wounds of our childhood we need relationships. That we are unconsciously attracted to potential partners who match the positive and negative traits of our parents. The chemistry has got to be there — it’s a really important part of a great relationship. And if our love partner bears a resemblance to the people who had the heaviest impact on our early development, no wonder when we “fall in love,” it feels like we have known him or her since time began. But what might it be like to make a more informed choice about a potential life partner, so that the hidden stuff does not eventually come out of the closet and hit you over the head with a resounding thump, except it’s a bit late by now. You’re already married. You may have children. Because it is not until later on in a relationship that the other stuff (the stuff we choose to ignore when we first meet our partner, the negative stuff from our early childhood relationships) begins to emerge. Before we can make this choice, we need to know ourselves first. And part of knowing ourselves means understanding what it is we look for in our relationships (but may not realise it). Below is a powerful exercise which will help you to become a Smart Single by discovering information about your relationships and yourself. You’ll have some great realisations, perhaps even a sense of relief. You will better understand why you attract and are attracted to certain kinds of partners. Knowledge of yourself is freedom to choose, freedom to act differently, freedom to have what you want. So grab yourself a pen and paper, and have a go at these questions. Draw three columns, titled “Name,” “Positive,” and “Negative.” In the “Name” column list 20 of the most significant male AND female relationships you have had in your life, starting from childhood with your parents. Include siblings, other family members, best friends, roommates, ex-lovers, etc. In the “Positive” column, list what you appreciated about each relationship. What did you like? What worked for you? How did you benefit? In the “Negative” column, list what you did not like about each relationship. What did not work for you? How were you hurt by this person? If relevant, what broke up the relationship? Now review your relationship history. What positive and negative patterns have been repeated? What positive traits of your parents and any other significant people from your childhood do you seem to be seeking in others? And which of their negative traits seem to show up in others? What have you learned about yourself from the above exercise? Your parents’ relationship with each other and with you is the basis for your relationship patterns. What patterns have YOU chosen to have programmed into your intimate relationships? Ariana Gorrill is a Singles Coach. She coaches singles who are looking to meet the love of their life AND have a life that they love, and runs workshops on relationship success for singles. Contact her to receive a RELATIONSHIP READINESS ASSESSMENT and FOLLOW-UP COACHING SESSION, both FREE, or find out more by visiting her website on www.heartbeatcoaching.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Debra Munn |
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Copyright 2005 coupleconnect
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